Teaching: The Good, The Bad, and the Slime

Today was a hard day. It was a day that I will remember later on in life when I think back to teaching. It was the day that I understood that teaching is hard. However, I cannot put all of the blame on my students. There are a few reasons as to why it was a hard day.

First, Thanksgiving is in one week. They get a really long break where they can play and eat and sleep and then play and eat some more. Many of them are going out of town as they eagerly told me, and I know how exciting that is for them. The second reason is my fault. I had them make slime in science. Of course they were all telling me, "Mrs. Schow your the best teacher ever!" and "This Science class is awesome!" as they were up to their elbows in sticky gooey slime. Externally I was all smiles and excitement for them as I too was up to my elbows helping the slow movers speed up their slime making. Internally, was less pleasant. I was thinking, "Well if I've learned one thing today it is that we are NOT making slime next year!" We finally got the slime cleaned up and I lined up my Science class to return to my homeroom. As they exited and my class entered I was so relieved that the day was almost over and my own sweet, kind, obedient class had returned.

Well, apparently my class decided to be naughty. Very naughty. Like screaming and running around the classroom while I'm frantically trying to figure out whose lunchbox is still in the lunch bin (it was the screamer's). When they all calmed down and I lectured them on the importance of not acting like Kindergartners, the bell rang and my students filed out one by one. There was one girl who normally has a difficult time following directions and throughout the chaos I was trying to get her attention. She was not listening because she was busy doodling on a piece of paper at her desk like she normal is. I voiced my frustration that she was not listening and told her to clean up her area. That was the last thought I had about it.

When the last student finally left my classroom, I emptied the trash cans and put them in the hallway. As I was about to walk back into my class, one of my math students who is the sweetest boy I have ever met came up and gave me one of his teddy bear hugs. He said "Thanks for being such a great math teacher Mrs. Schow!" I said, "Thank you. That is just what I needed at the end of a long day". He looked me, smiled, tilted his head to the side and said, "Yeah. Long days are hard but hugs can always make them better." How true is that!

After closing my classroom door and wiping up the mess at the sink, another student came into my classroom. This student is probably my hardest. He does not do his work, shuts down if I tell him to do something, and does many things to push my buttons. I was surprised to see him walk through the door and intrigued at what he wanted. He walked right up to me and opened his arms and gave me a hug. As his little arms embraced me, tears filled my eyes. He said, "Thank you Mrs. Schow. You are the best teacher!" I said, "Thanks bud!" Then he let go and said, "It's been a tough week. But I will see you tomorrow morning in math". He smiled and shut my door as I stood there in shock. This is a student who I can never get any words out of about how he is feeling or what he is thinking. For him to express that he has had a hard week was a miracle. It made me realize that I was gaining his trust. I was starting to be someone who he could talk to and rely on.

After he left I was still pretty frustrated with the day. I went downstairs to vent to a friend. When I returned to my classroom someone had left this cute little note on my computer. It was in an envelope with some yarn poorly tied around it. I was confused and thought about who it might be. A teacher? An instructor? Most students had left. I untied the cute yarn and opened the sealed envelope. Inside was a note from one of my students. The girl who had been doodling at her desk while I kept telling her to stop and listen. The note read, "You are the best teacher I've ever had and I love the stories about funny stuff that happened to you." Again my heart was full and I couldn't help but tear up.

These kids are smarter than we realize. When my students left I was thinking about how self-centered they are and how they are oblivious to me and the outside world. However, these were three separate instances when my students recognized that I might need a little extra love. They notice things. They want to express their love and appreciation. And whether its a hug, or cute little note, or even a thank you, it means the world to me.

So today was a hard day. The hardest day that I have had as a teacher. And the first day I wondered why I'm doing it. But it is the 64th day of knowing that every second of being a teacher is worth it. And at the end of the day, as I leave my classroom and lock the door behind me, I can't help but wonder what amazing things my students will teach me tomorrow.

Letting the Love Live On

When I was in Romania I loved writing my blog posts. I looked forward to them every week. Not only was I eager to share all of my crazy adventures and brag about my wonderful babies and experiences, but I loved the simple act of writing. It was a passion I discovered in Europe, but did not bring home with me when I returned to America. Since then I often think about writing blogs and get excited when I actually sit down and pull up a blank page. However, I soon get overwhelmed, or underwhelmed, about what to write about, and instead of releasing my many thoughts and ideas, I give up and close the computer. In Romania, I had an easy focus and often found myself refraining from pouring out pages upon pages of writing. Now, I feel as though my life is extremely ordinary and my writing would just be a summary of my boring life events. I still think that every day brings an adventure, but they are adventures that only myself and Tyler embark on and I’m afraid that no one else would find them interesting. So, I decided to return to my old focus and incorporate the lessons I learned in Romania to my life now. Each week or two I will try to think of a new lesson that I learned in Romania and share it with you all about how it is now influencing my life. I always said that I wanted the influence that my kids had on me to have an influence on the whole world, and this is one way that I can help make that happen. And, since a few weeks ago marked my two year reunion of meeting the kids I worked with-I figured the timing was perfect.

The first lesson:  Be thankful for literally everything you have.

For those of you who did not get to read my posts about the kids in the orphanage I worked in, I will give a short summary. Almost all of the kids have disabilities. Many have multiple disabilities and some do not even have their sight or hearing. I still remember the feeling I would get when I would simply place my hand on their tummies and see the brightest and most joyful smile appear on their face. Or when one of the girls was learning how to walk on her own and after taking each step would look up into my face and show me how proud she was and seek praise with her eyes because it was her only form of communication. Not only did I have a language barrier with the kids, but a communication barrier of every other kind except for smiles and giggles that they would reward me with. Other than a lack of communication, these kids also had a lack of clothing, toys, families, and most importantly: love. Spending my time with them made me realize how thankful I should be for literally everything I have in my life. When I returned home I thought about how grateful I was to be living in the United States and made a point to appreciate everything I have been blessed with.

Each day I find myself thinking about my kids and how much I miss them. These thoughts remind me to be thankful for what I have and to appreciate them more openly. So in honor of them, here are some things that I am thankful for this week:

1. I am thankful for a home that I get to share with my wonderful husband. We just recently moved to Provo and although it is not as nice as where we were previously living, I couldn't help but constantly think about how I am thankful that it has a working washer, does not have a crazy bird living in my pantry, and does not have exploding pipes in the kitchen (read some of my first few posts of living in Romania for those stories). And I will FOREVER be thankful that it has a working toilet. I will always be thankful for a working toilet.

2. I am thankful that I was able to get an education and have an amazing job. I complained about school a lot. I wanted to be done and move on to the more exciting parts of my life. But now that I am done with school, a part of me misses it. I think about all of the things I learned and experiences I was able to have and the people I was able to meet. In fact, if it wasn't for school, I would not have gone to Romania. So really, I will forever be thankful for school. My schooling also allowed me to find my job. I love working with the students that I work with now. In a way I feel as though I am honoring my kids in Romania. I am drawn to children who struggle with communicating and learning and I want so badly to help them. I saw it in Romania, and now I get to see it every single day and hopefully make a difference in their lives. My kids in Romania will never have the opportunity to attend school, meet new people, and have those life experiences that come with it. Thinking about this makes my heart break and I want to live life to the fullest simply because I have the ability to do that when I know so many others don't.

3. I am thankful for food. This one you may think is silly because I've always said I was thankful for food in the past, but I am REALLY thankful for food after Romania. I am thankful that I can cook whatever I want to in a fully equipped kitchen whenever I want. I am thankful that we have so many choices of fast food that I can drive to within 10 minutes. But first and foremost, I am thankful that cabbage is a rarely used and easily avoidable in the American diet.

4. Most importantly, I am thankful for family. Seeing my kids find joy in life through the simple things would always make me smile. However, my heart always ached for them knowing that they would never know the true joy of having a family and feeling their love. My family has always supported me and loved me unconditionally. My husband does so much for me and makes me feel confident and loved. My new family in law has accepted me and loved me as their own. And my many friends have shown their support and appreciation for me as well. I cannot think of words to express how thankful I am for all of them, but I only hope that I can show my love and appreciation for my family and friends in my life. So from my very full heart: to all of my friends and family reading this- THANK YOU! Thank you for reading my posts when I was in Romania and thank you for humoring me long enough to read the one's since and letting my beautiful kids in Romania continue to influence you for the better.

So this week try and think about something you are thankful for. One of my favorite quotes is, "Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder". I know it can be difficult on those harder days to find something to be thankful for. Even if the positive event is simply making someone else smile, or being able to eat your favorite candy bar, it is worth being thankful for.

The Simple Adventures of Life

Hello friends, family, and strangers who are reading this. I have not written a post in a while so I thought I'd throw one together to update you on my incredibly interesting and adventurous life. Just kidding, its pretty ordinary at the moment but honestly-I wouldn't have it any other way. At the moment there are four different categories that make up the life of Carrie Schow. Those categories are (in no particular order) 1. School 2. Work 3. Tyler 4. Personal Free Time. As you can tell I live a very original and exciting life (sarcasm again). So if you don't mind me rambling on about what I am spending my time doing these days, please continue to read on. If not, well at least you got the summary.

1. School
77 DAYS UNTIL I GRADUATE AND CAN END THE ERA OF POINTLESS LEARNING IN MY LIFE. I'm totally kidding about the pointless learning. I think a education is very valuable and I enjoy learning about how tiny humans develop. My graduating degree will be a Bachelor in Family Life with an Emphasis in Human Development. This semester I only have 1 class that I have to attend and the rest are online. Luckily, all of my classes are interesting so I am fortunate to actually enjoy the final semester of school. Overall, choosing to study human development my freshman year has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I love learning about children and why they are the way that they are and how to best help them develop healthy relationships, personality traits, and habits. More importantly, it has totally prepared me to be mom of the year someday. Or at least not totally screw up my future children. Also more importantly, choosing this major has led me to my current job which I absolutely love.

Typical selfie

2. Work
When I would tell people that I am studying "Human Development" they usually would look at me rather blankly and say "oh that's cool. . ." take a long pause. . . and then say, "So like...what do you wanna do with that?" (Or in other words-what the heck CAN you do with that???). In my mind I'd be saying something like "Be a mom, duh" or "I have absolutely no clue to be completely honest". But I would usually tell them, "I'm not sure yet but something that involves working with kids". Well everyone-I have found that something! I currently work at a public charter school with elementary school children in the Special Education Department. When I chose to take this job many people warned me that I would get burnt out and that it would be exhausting. Well guess what? I'm just about burnt out and I'm exhausted at the end of every day. But the kids that I get to work with are some of the funniest, sweetest, sassiest kids who I absolutely love. They make me laugh every single day. At the same time, they make me chase them down the halls or hand me snot filled Kleenexes every day as well. But I always come home with a new story and reason as to why I love my job. It is very rewarding and I love watching them learn and grow.

Us just livin' life

3. Tyler
Well, we're just about at our 7 month mark of marriage! So far, it has been totally awesome. This semester Tyler is also taking mostly online classes which makes his work schedule much more flexible. He has been jumping around new accounts at work which has influenced his hours a little bit but we are on a mostly regular 8-5 schedule together. He decided to run a marathon in June which he is training for. I decided to do something totally absurd and signed up for the 10k (in the same race). I have never run that much in my life so we'll see how it goes. We are currently teaching the 5-6 year olds in Primary which is fun for us most weeks. Just kidding, we love our kids. All I really have to say about Tyler is that he's the best. I leave our house every day already missing him and come home as excited to see him as I was when we first started dating. He really is my best friend and I can't imagine going through life without him.

On our way to teach our Primary class... apparently we enjoy taking duck face car selfies...

4. Personal Free Time
To be completely honest most of my free time involves catching up on the latest episodes of This is Us, Greys Anatomy, The Good Doctor, and The Bachelor. However, I do keep up with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and taking care of our five chicken children (Matilda, Delores, Francine, Georgia, and Nugget). I think the chickens and I are finally bonding. Oh yes-I also spend a few hours every few days trying to motivate myself to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill. . . ya know, 10k coming up and such?

Well that pretty much sums up my life. I am not exploring the islands of Greece or enjoying the beautiful streets of Italy like I was a little over a year ago. But you know what? I am exploring what it is like to be a wife and enjoying the new experiences I have each and every day. And that is why life is so, so good.

The Legacy of the Kissing Frog

   Let me introduce you to the Legacy of the Kissing Frog. The Kissing Frog has been passed down through my family for years. To my knowledge, it began with my oldest cousin when she went off to college. She had in her possession a stuffed green frog that is about the size of a basketball. It had big red puckered lips and when you squeeze its tummy it makes three loud distinct obnoxious kissing sounds. It was believed that this frog would give her luck in her love life and if she displayed the frog on her pillow each day, it would one day bring to her a handsome prince.
   Like any reasonable boy crazy girl, she diligently displayed that frog on her pillow and awaited for the promised prince to sweep her off of her feet. Eventually, he came. She married a great guy and they are living happily ever after. But the Kissing Frog lived on! Once married, my cousin passed the Kissing Frog onto her younger sister so that it could bring her good luck as well. She faithfully used the magic of the kissing frog and found a wonderful man who she married and is living happily ever after with. That ended the line of sisters in their immediate family and so they decided to pass on the frog to their dear younger cousin who was headed off to her first semester of college and ready to find her prince. Which is how I ended up with the Kissing Frog.

   By the time I had possession of the frog, it's big puckered lips had fallen off and there was a small hole in the left arm that had white cotton threatening to pop out at any second. However, they made sure I knew of the legacy and that I would place the frog on my bed every day until I met the man I was going to marry. I faithfully followed in my older cousins footsteps and waited until a man was brought forth. And I waited. And waited. And then waited just a little longer. Until I went off to Romania to explore the world. Then when I returned, I decided to keep the frog displayed on my bed because I hadn't lost all hope. And then I met my prince, Tyler Schow.
   Tyler proposed to me while we were on a trip to Las Vegas and when I returned home I remember walking into my room, looking at the frog sitting on my bed, and smiling. I walked over to it, sat on my bed, picked it up, and thought, "Thanks Kissing Frog, you've gone above and beyond for me. You've given me an extraordinary prince". And then I retired the Kissing Frog from my pillows and stored him in a safe place until I pass him along to another girl seeking a little magic.
   Tyler and I have been engaged for four months now. That's how long it has been since my last blog post as well. A lot has happened in four months. There have been finals, moving, vacations, visits from family, Tyler's sister leaving on her mission, my brother returning from his, and of course wedding planning. But the most important thing that has happened is that my love for Tyler has continued to grow every single day to a greater amount than I could ever have imagined. I didn't know what love was until I met Tyler. To me, Tyler is love. He is the epitome of all things good in my life. He is kind, and patient. Funny and charming. Thoughtful and genuine. He pushes me to be the best version of myself and yet I know that he will love me no matter what I am. I have always considered myself a fairly happy and optimistic person. But Tyler continues to make my days a little brighter, my load a little lighter, and my smile a little wider.
    In one week I will marry Tyler. I view that moment as both an end and a beginning. It is the end of a big part of my life. The end of independence and single hood. But I view it as an even bigger beginning. I will not only depend on Tyler but he will depend on me. I will no longer be single but as a pair, a partnership, a team. Many people have said that I will lose a lot of my freedom. I will no longer be able to travel whenever, wherever, or however I want. I wont be as motivated to strive towards greatness, or achieve many of my goals. However, I see it as having a huge support and partner beside me throughout all of those wonderful things. And I will achieve even more greatness. Because Tyler's success will be my success.
   I have already traveled the world. I have seen many amazing places and met some incredible people. But I truly believe that in seven days I will start my greatest adventure of all. And I will forever be thankful to the Legacy of the Kissing Frog for helping me get here.

The Beginning

     On Friday March 10th I lost the only bet that I will ever be eternally thankful for losing. While I was in Romania last semester a common topic of conversation between the other volunteers was who they thought would get married first after we got back to the States. They each individually decided that the obvious answer was me. They thought that I would get engaged very soon after returning to Brigham Young University. I thought they were all insane. I was as single as ever, excited to return to school to focus on becoming a Child Life Specialist and eager to return to Europe to volunteer again as soon as possible. I thought I was far away from marriage. I was so confident in this that I made a bet with one of the girls who bet me $5 that I would get engaged by the end of the semester. So I returned home confident in my single life.

Me Happily in Romania

     Many people think that my story with Tyler began at the beginning of this year. However, our story actually began in the Fall of 2014. I had just started school at Brigham Young and was probably a little too eager to start dating. After a few months of no luck my roommate and good friend Shelby told me that I absolutely HAD to start writing her best friend Tyler on a mission who was the cutest and sweetest and nicest thing ever. After doing some Facebook stalking and hearing countless stories from Shelby about this mysterious boy, I decided to write to him. I sent my first email on October 27th 2014. We emailed back and forth every week until Tyler sent his last email on December 1st which for some CRAZY reason I didn't respond to. However, I still received the weekly emails he sent to everyone so every Monday morning I was reminded of Tyler and the fact that he was righteously serving a mission. One day during this time period, I ran into my friend Holly who had served with Tyler in the Carlsbad mission! I told her we had been writing and she pretty much freaked out going on and on about how wonderful he was and that I had to marry him. I thought it was funny and coincidental that they also knew each other, but had so many other things going on in my life I didn't really think anything else about it. That is when our story pauses for a few years.

Tyler on his mission. How cute is he??

     During the next two years, I dated multiple boys, was single for some time, decided to go to Romania, and learned a lot about myself and who I am, what I want, and who I want to marry. Soon after Tyler returned from his mission, I was flying off to foreign lands. While I was in Romania I started to notice Tyler on social media and decided I needed the opportunity to get to know this boy. I sent way too many texts to Shelby telling her to tell him to ask me out when I got home and she assured me that he wanted to take me out. When I returned to BYU I went on quite a few first dates but continued to be confident in my single life.
     On Monday January 16th I was sitting in bed watching Netflix when a text message popped up on my phone. The message was from an unknown number and said, "Hey Carrie, its Tyler. I got your number from Holly." I immediately knew who it was and felt a feeling that I'm not sure I had ever felt before: butterflies. We began texting nonstop and it took the boy like 3 days to finally ask me on a date! And that is where our story takes off.

Our first date!

     I was immediately impressed with Tyler. I have to admit, he was nothing like I expected. He was confident and kind, funny and easy to talk to, and SO CUTE. Our first date was so much fun! He took me skittle bowling with his siblings and their dates and I knew right off that I would love his family. After our first date I made sure to see him again a few days later when he asked me out again. After the third date I knew I was hooked. I cancelled all other dates I had that weekend and focused all of my attention on Tyler. My plan was to wait a few weeks before telling him that I wanted to date seriously but only a week after our first date I embarrassingly blurted out that I didn't want to date anyone else. THANKFULLY he felt the exact same way. So we became official. He also told me that he loved me that night. I know, the initial reaction is "WHAT?!?". Honestly that was my initial reaction too. But it only took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts and realize that I loved him too. Call us crazy but we were sure of it and it just felt right.

     Let's fast forward a week. During this week I knew I was gonna marry Tyler. But obviously only a crazy person would tell someone they wanted to marry them only two weeks after meeting them. Guess what everyone? I am a crazy person. Exactly one week after becoming official (and sitting in the exact same place) I again blurted out to Tyler that I wasn't dating him just to date him and that I wanted to be with him forever. Yes, another "WHAT?!?" reaction. But sweet Tyler just looked at me and smiled and told me the exact same thing. So we decided we were gonna marry each other. Obviously a lot of thought and prayer went into this decision but I just knew it was right. I didn't want to date Tyler for another six months just because it was the standard thing to do. I loved this boy and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and so why the heck wait? We decided to keep it a secret and date for a while though before getting officially engaged.
     The whole "keep it a secret" thing didn't  really work out and we quickly told our families. Keeping it a secret was nearly impossible!! So then we were like "Well why wait so long to get engaged?". I thought he would wait until after travelling to Oregon so that he could talk to my dad. Little to my knowledge, he had already gotten the ring, snuck my dads phone number out of my phone and gotten his permission, and was all ready to pop the question well before our trip to Oregon.

     On March 10th we were on our way down to Vegas to celebrate his sisters birthdays and we decided to stop in Saint George. We had dinner then traveled up to Dixie Rock to "take some pictures". When we were up there taking pictures he gave me a hug and said he loved me and had a question for me. Next thing I know he was on his knee asking me if I would marry him. The poor guy could barely get the question out soon enough before I was pulling him up telling him YES. We all celebrated with pictures and lots of screaming and there were even fireworks in the distance!

     After the excitement died down Tyler pulled me aside and told me what he was planning on telling me before I pulled him up off of his knee. When I was a little girl I asked my dad who painted the beautiful sunsets I saw every night. My dad assured me that he painted each sunset just for me. That was a very special moment and I cherish each and every sunset I see because it reminds me of my dad and how much he loves me. Tyler knew about this and how important sunsets were to me so he made sure to propose during a sunset. He then asked me if I would let him paint all of the sunsets for our future children. Okay guys seriously??? Talk about melting a girls heart.

This pretty much sums us up. We "ink" we're really cool.

     I know this is quick. My relationship with Tyler has been unconventional. But each and every day I learn something new about Tyler that makes me more and more sure that I want to marry him. He is the love of my life and makes me want to be the best person that I possibly can be. And each and every day I am going to try my best to become that person and I can't wait to see all of the sunsets Tyler will paint for me. So although I lost $5 in my bet, I seriously gained the lottery in the future husband department.

La Revedere (Goodbye)

   

     What a week. I have been thinking a lot about what I want to put into this final blog post about Romania because I have so much to say. First of all, I still cannot believe that I just lived in Romania for four months. It is surreal for me to look back on all of my pictures and think, "That is me? I was there?" This has been an experience of a lifetime and it went above and beyond all of my expectations. However, I fear that upon returning home it will seem as though I never left. I have learned so much on this trip but I am afraid of quickly losing sight of what I have learned once I get back into my normal pattern of daily life. My kids here touched my heart more than I could have ever hoped and I want to keep them in my heart forever. So here is my plan on how to remember my kids and everything they taught me for the rest of my life.
     1. I will never stop talking about them. I am sorry if you have the misfortune of coming into contact with me for the next few weeks or even months because I can promise you that I will find a way to bring up my kids and talk about them. How can I not? After all, they are my kids! I am one proud mama of them and like any prideful mom I want to share how incredible they are. I am sure that I will have countless reminders of each and every one of them every day. Whether it's when I drink water from a cup and think about how many times I drank imaginary water from a cup with my boys. Or when I hear the song "You are my Sunshine" which is the song I sang to my kids everyday when I fed them from a bottle. Or even when I see anything related to Disney because it will make me think of Bambi which is the name of my room in the orphanage. There will be reminders of my kids everywhere and I can't wait to share all of my stories about my kids with you.
     2. I will continue to serve those around me. Every day, I went into the orphanage expecting the opportunity to serve my kids and the workers at the orphanage in whatever ways I could. However, they did more service for me than I probably did for them! They always made sure that we had food to eat while the kids were at snack, they always made sure we were comfortable in the room and never overwhelmed with the kids. They made an effort to get to know us and wanted to know the small details about our lives back at home. I always left the orphanage with a full heart and so thankful for the love I was shown. This taught me to always show love towards and serve anyone who comes into my life. It is not always convenient and you don't always shave an obligation to do so. I was in the orphanage to love and serve and I was shown more love and service than any other time in my life. The joy of seeing that makes me have a greater desire to do the same for those around me.
     3. Never take anything for granted. If you have been following my blog posts then I'm sure you remember the many hardships I have had to deal with while living in a foreign country. For example, broken toilets, leaking pipes, a very large language barrier, several illnesses. I have taken my home, my education, my family, and my country for granted for my entire life. I hope that upon returning home I can be more thankful for the things I have and for the people in my life. I love my family and I don't know where I would be without them. Their love and support have allowed me to have come on this journey and I will forever be thankful to them for that. It is the greatest gift that they have given me.
     There is one last thing I would like to talk about before saying goodbye and beginning my journey home. The day I said goodbye to my kids. It was a day that the girls and I have been talking about since the beginning. We knew that it would be hard and that there would be many emotions but I don't think any of us were prepared. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The entire day I managed to hold it together while thinking, "this is the last time I will do this." About ten minutes before it was time to say goodbye I started to lose it. We took the kids into the kitchen for lunch as usual and began the goodbye process. I told each child that I loved them, gave them each a bunch of kisses and big hug which they all gladly accepted. Most of them also gave me a kiss on the cheek then went back to focusing on their food. And that was it. To them it was just another day. They would see us on Monday and everything would resume as normal. I thought that might make it easier because they wouldn't be sad. But I think it made it harder for me because they didn't know that this was the end. I would never return to play with them. I also went and said goodbye to all of the kids sleeping in their cribs which was a special but sad moment. The tears eventually came (which for any of you who know me knows that that is a rare occurrence), and me and the other girls walked through the orphanage doors for the last time.
     This experience has changed my life. It has made me have a bigger desire to serve, a greater understanding of the love I receive from my parents and my Father in Heaven, a larger appreciation for cultures other than my own, and a deeper gratitude for the life I was given. It has made me more confident, more loving, more kind, and more willing to stand up for what I believe in. I am beyond grateful that I was able to learn so much with this experience and I can't wait to see where in life it will take me. Thank you for all of your love and support and following me on this extraordinary adventure. I can't wait to see you all soon!

Preparing for My Final Goodbye

     God is real. And God is good. The best way for me to describe this past week is a whirlwind of emotions. At the beginning of the week I was thinking about how hard it would be for me to say goodbye to my kiddos. How much I would miss this entire experience, both the good and the bad. I knew that as this weekend came closer, my emotions would get deeper. I knew that I would want to stay forever and couldn't bare the thought of leaving. Well, God knew it too. I prayed for help getting through this week and He answered my prayers in a few different ways.
     The first answered prayer came on Monday. My roommates and I all woke up with a bunch of bites all over our arms and legs that itched like none other. The doctor informed us that we must have a flea infestation. A few days later we found a huge cockroach sitting in the middle of our kitchen. None of my roommates were brave enough to deal with it so I was the lucky girl who got to pick up and flush the cockroach down the toilet. However, apparently they float and so it wouldn't flush! So I had to scoop it out of the toilet (with the toilet scrub brush) and fold it in toilet paper so it would go down. It was a rather proud moment of mine and I have video footage of the whole ordeal but it won't let me upload so just ask me in person next week if you really want to see it.
     Another way that my prayers were answered is the food situation here. I am definitely not a picky eater and I will eat or drink pretty much anything you put in front of me except licorice or milk. So although the food here is not ideal, I haven't had a problem eating it. However, once Monday came it was like a switch was flipped. I can barely eat any of the food they bring. Even the meals that I semi-enjoyed before taste gross. I never want to see cabbage ever again. At first I was annoyed with myself because I was so hungry all of the time! And I wanted so badly to just have normal food. Like Kraft Mac and Cheese. I hate Mac and Cheese out of the box but that is the one thing from home that I have missed the most. That and chocolate milkshakes. And Taco Bell.
     The final answer to my prayers occurred Tuesday afternoon while I was at the orphanage. I was feeding one of the little guys who is severely disabled and needs to be bottle fed. I laid him down on my lap so this head was resting on my legs and I had my head bent over smiling at him while I tried to get him to eat whatever questionable substance they put in the bottle. All of a sudden he coughed really loud and the only way I can describe what happened is this: imagine that his mouth was a whale's spout and instead of water coming out of the spout it was the entire contents of this little three year old boys stomach. So before I could even process what had happened, I was covered in throw up along with the poor boys face, my entire lap, my arms, the bed we were sitting on, and the poor little girl who was innocently sitting nearby. My first instinct was to yell for Katie (who was in the other room feeding another kid) to come and help. Then one of the workers came in and ran over and was trying to wipe it off of me the best she could while saying "sorry" over and over again. Soon after I was able to go and clean myself up and change into another set of scrubs but I was quite the scene before that. But I can now say that I have been projectile vomited on by a child so it brings me one step closer to motherhood. Sorry for the gross details but believe it or not I held back on most of them.
     These may not seem like answers to prayers but they made me have a bigger desire to go home to Oregon where there are no cockroaches and my chances of getting fleas and lice and other nasty bug infestations are very limited. Where Taco Bell is a short drive away, and Mac and Cheese can be bought and prepared in less than an hour. Where I won't have to worry everyday about whether I'll get bit, slobbered all over, or spit up on by my kids. Each night this week I would climb into my springy bed with scratchy blankets and count down the hours until I can be in my own warm bed at home.
     So now that you probably think I am a heartless person for looking forward to returning to my home, let me save my reputation. Yes, living in a foreign country is hard. Yes, I miss my friends and family. Yes, I can't wait until I can communicate with strangers again. But even after God sent me gross bugs, uncomfortable living situations, food that makes me sick, and even projectile vomit, leaving Romania will be the hardest thing I have ever experienced. The goodbye that is about to occur is worse than every single trial I have had to go through combined. I have tried to keep myself occupied this week and my mind filled with thoughts not related to the reality that is about to hit me head-on. Tomorrow will be full of heartache, tears, sadness, and many many hugs and kisses as I say goodbye to my kids for forever. Nevertheless I am thankful that I have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. I know that God sent me here to these angels and that he will help me get through parting from them. Because God is real. And God is good.

At the Orphanage!

This place has become my happy place and one of my favorite places in the world.

My last day at the hospital! It was sad to say goodbye to all of the sweet kids there.

With Romanian Santa!

Going to miss these girls so much!